Reflecting on 2016

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This past year has been one big rollercoaster for me. But I definitely came out on top. The good and bad balanced eachother out in 2016. The beginning of the year was tough, dealing with my dad being ill and him having to go through surgery and ending up in the ICU in critical condition. Because of that, I wanted to go to Florida (first time), to go see my uncle and aunt, who are now in their 80′s and I did not want to waste anymore time, not visiting them. Florida was amazing. I got to see some friends of mine who I hadn’t seen in a long time. And of course, the family visit was pretty awesome.

945273_10153491377627960_6414745949063953960_nDuring my visit to Florida, I visited a friend who became more than just that. I took a chance on love and put my heart and soul into it, despite the fact I did not want a long distance relationship anymore. I went back 2 weeks after I came home, to figure out what this connection could be. Altogether, I spent 3 full months physically with the person, which is great if you consider the distance between us. I put in 200% in making something work. I compromised, took everything as it was, took him as he was, and flew back and forth a few times, spent time in Florida away from my friends and family, to make this work.

I honestly thought I had found my soulmate in this person. Just to find out, he wasn’t. I really loved this man, but he crushed my heart, my soul. I don’t even blame him, it wasn’t personal. He turned out to be so bitter from his previous relationship, had so many issues, so in the end, it was better to not have kept going. It would not have worked out. A person who doesn’t acknowledge their issues, will never work on them and will keep putting them on the next person. Needless to say, God has a different plan for me. He is not a bad person and I pray for his happiness. Although this was the most painful and hurtful heartbreak I have ever experienced, I cherish the beautiful moments we spent together, and keep it moving.

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This summer was not only about love for a partner, but also love for my team. Team Jay-Way. We accomplished so much together this year, I am so proud of my little bro for working hard and making things “happen dappen”. We have reached a milestone in his fresh starting career and the entire team has been nothing short of amazing! It definitely has been a succesful year for Jay-Way and we are looking to make 2017 even better. This team became my family, and knowing they have my back, like I have theirs, is a wonderful feeling.

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In the fall, things got busy. Despite the pain from the break-up, I had more things to deal with. My sight turned out to be a problem again. My left eye is damaged (long medical story) and can’t get fixed again, so I have to live with this damage. Its a big adjustment but it is what it is, as its always been with my sight. I just have to keep track of the decline, if it gets worse, I need immediate injections in my eye, but for now, thankfully, I am ok. My right eye is still 100% though. :)

I got offered a last minute trip to Morocco end of September, with my girl Ilhem, which was such a weird but fun trip! Got to see a friend over there, made new friends and went into the mountains. I always wanted to go, so that is now crossed off the bucketlist as well.

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One of the great things of going through mental, emotional pain, is that I always throw myself on my work. So using that negative energy, turning it into something positive, always makes for great results, which in return, make me feel good and happy again. In October, Amsterdam Dance Event, ADE Beats to be exact, turned out to be awesome. I did three interviews and got a lot of potential new clients out of the event.  By November, I was drained. Because I had been working so much, I did not process the things I was going through and it was taking its toll on me. On top of that, my dad was in and out the hospital again, not sure if he needed another surgery, which could be another situation as earlier this year again. It made me anxious.

Luckily I had my Asia trip to look forward to. After my break-up, I had booked a ticket to Asia to travel with my girl Niese. We mapped out an entire three weeks of hopping around and booked it all. I needed that trip so bad, I didn’t even realize how bad, until now, that I am home again. Going back to my roots, my motherlands, was the best decision I could have made. We flew to Kuala Lumpur, from there to the Philippines and stayed in Coron a few days. We did the island hopping, visited lakes, beaches and had cheap massages. We made a lot of friends there, local and Russian. So of course, visiting Russia is now on the list even more than before.

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After being in the wonderful island resort in Coron, we flew through Manila to Guam, where my dear friend Moody lives, with his beautiful family. Guam is a little piece of the United States. Very American, but mixed with local, the Chamorro. I absolutely loved this island with its gorgeous beaches and clear blue, turquoise ocean. Spending time with him after knowing each other for 16+ years, was definitely needed as well. I love that dude so much, he has always had my back since day one and its rare to have friends like that, so I cherish them much. It was great to finally meet his wife and his super cute and so well-behaved kids. If I ever have kids, these three will be the blueprint for how mine will have to be, haha! Guam gave me the same feeling Hawaii did, must really be my oceanic roots. Although Polynesian, I can relate to the Micronesians much more as well. :)

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One of the biggest challenges I have done, physically, was this hike we went on. Through rain, heat, mud, water, dirt, trees, jungle, and all kinds of elements. We hiked for 6 hours, going the wrong way here and there, to end up on top of a waterfall, just to try and get down there. Cuts, bruises, bites, blood, sweat and tears, we did it all. And it was AWESOME. I loved all of it. I even jumped off of rocks at the waterfall.

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After our 10 day visit to Guam, we flew back through Manila and Kuala Lumpur, to Bali. We first spent a few days in Ubud, and the last few days in Seminyak where we also met up with Kim. Ubud was very serene and peaceful. The villa was great (except for the mosquitos and ants), in the middle of the rice fields. We scooted around and found more waterfalls and definitely got to see the country more. On Christmas Night, we hiked up Mount Batur, in the dark, just to see the sun rise on Christmas morning, with a view from the top of the mountain. I thought the hike in Guam was tough, this mountain climb took the most of me. I only slept three hours (alarm was set for 1.30 am) and ate a snickers bar for breakfast. Guess I should rest better next time I wanna climb a 1515m/5500ft mountain. But I did it, well, the guide practically dragged me up the mountain by my wrist, but regardless, I got up there. And it was worth it. :)

Another challenge, that I never thought I would even do in life. But with everything I was going through before my trip, I did come out on top, literally. Going back to my roots and motherlands, was good for my soul. Not only did I find myself back, I found more. I got more out of myself than I expected on this trip. I did so much during this trip, not just much eating haha, but it got me back to focus, to being happy, to knowing who I am.

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It is December 31st now. The last day of 2016. It was a well-balanced year with good and bad. But if I look back at it, I have to say it was an AMAZING year, because it taught me so much about myself, about the kind and loving person that I am, but also the hard-working soldier. The traveller, the adventurer, the risk-taker. The one that chooses to be happy, no matter what. And the one that accepts what God gives her in life. This, is the most important thing I had to be reminded of. I am far from perfect, I have made many mistakes, this year as well. But if you keep looking at who you are, why you are and how you are…. and stay true to yourself, be honest with yourself, you can only come out on top.

I wanna give much love to all the people in my life, that made a positive difference in my life this year. Friends and family. I feel 2016 got me closer to my family because of all kind of happenings. Negative things, will always have positive outcomes, if you choose to see them.

Blessings and Love.
<3 Pay


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